How do you even begin to summarize a sport that has consumed more than half of your life? How do you convey the emotional baggage, the highs and lows, of a sport that you despise yet also love? How do you process it all now that it’s over?
Say the word swimming, and to most people, the first thing that comes to mind is the beach or maybe relaxing on an inflatable donut in a pool. To me, the word conjures up memories of crack-of-dawn early mornings, grueling practices, and competitions that seemed to take forever, but it wasn’t always like that.
Long before competing for Le Moyne College, swimming in the beginning was associated with summer. It was a leisure activity, an escape from the hot sun. Splashing around in the murky depths of the lake near my grandparents’ house, I felt free.
The lake had a dock that enclosed a section near the shore that acted as a makeshift basin. That’s where the swim team practiced. I had taken lessons and considered myself a decently competent swimmer, but the aim was always to float around, not compete.
There I was one day, content in the cool waters. The swim team had just started their season and was practicing nearby while I was hanging out on the beachside of the lake.
My Mom suddenly walked up to me and said matter-of-factly, “I’m signing you up for the swim team.” That one sentence shattered me. How could you ruin my summer like that? Now, being the 10-year-old I was, I tried to negotiate.
The negotiation quickly turned into me refusing to go over to the swim basin dock. “No, I won’t do it.” “No, I don’t need the swim team.” “No, I swim on my own.” “No, no, no, no, no, no.”
My stubbornness paled in comparison to my mom. Once she gets rolling, there’s no stopping her. Through a mix of a barrage of threats and physically dragging me at some point, I was now moping at the dock while my mom talked to the coach.
That was my entry into the world of competitive swimming. When the summer concluded, I ended up joining my local YMCA team, where a brusque coach was able to train this lake swimmer into an eventual Division I athlete.
Never in my life would I have imagined that what had started as an activity to keep me busy would lead to competing at the highest levels. There were countless times I wanted to call it quits. Once I could drive myself to practices, I started skipping and drove elsewhere, anywhere but the pool.
High school, along with the pandemic, was a rough time in my athletic path. It was the height of my resentment toward the sport. I would constantly argue with my parents about dropping out, and continue to play hooky under their noses.
But I stuck with swimming, for better or worse, a mix of pressure from my mom and a new “guess I have to do it” attitude. Eventually, I did come around, focusing on the exercise aspect and the strict routine, which kept me in line.
When it came time to start applying to colleges, swimming was at the back of my mind. Initially, I made a promise to finish the high school season and retire, but my parents convinced me to consider keeping with it. After all, they reasoned, you could get some scholarships.
I applied to mostly Division III schools, which don’t officially offer athletic scholarships, but the coach can reserve funds for prospective athletes. While still looking around, my mom suggested I apply to my uncle’s alma mater, this small institution in Syracuse called Le Moyne College.
Le Moyne was Division II, the sweet spot between divisions where one could receive athletic scholarships and train hard, but still have time to pursue other ventures. I emailed the coaches and found out that the then assistant Coach, Adam Zaczkowski, was a native of my home state, Connecticut.
I visited the school multiple times, and it just felt right. From the academic opportunities, the small school size, and my extended family living in the area, it was the perfect fit.
The added bonus was the school being Division II. There were rumors about a potential move to a higher division, but according to the then-head coach, Joe Hannah, “the school won’t transition to Division I while I’m still coaching.”
Before I started my freshman season, he retired.
It was my sophomore year when Le Moyne officially made the move to Division I. This transition resulted in more commitment to the sport I was already at odds with. The resentment crept in once again, but this time I was actually getting paid through scholarships to swim, so I treated it like a job.
At practices, meets, and team events, I clocked in and clocked out. I created two lives, one for swimming and the other for everything else. I didn’t want the sport to consume me and be part of my identity like many of my teammates who were more invested than I was.
My real passion lies in music and the arts, which is why I’ve never really seen myself as an athlete. I had grown averse to athletic life and did my best to distance myself from it.
Now I’m officially retired. My senior season is over, and I can’t help but look back at everything.
Reflecting on my eleven years of treading water, I’ve come to realize that no matter how hard I’ve tried to separate myself from the sport, it will always be a part of me. As much as I hate to admit it, swimming has been my life and has shaped who I have come to be.
Say the word swimming, and I will mostly complain about the intense training and long meets, but I will also remember the euphoria of the race, the high when beating your own time, and the lifelong bond with my teammates.
