Well, it’s official. The fate of the Cheers and Jeers column is now in my hands. As the saying goes, “It can only go down from here.” I’m paraphrasing, of course. To President LeMura and all faculty at Le Moyne College, distinguished guests, students, friends of friends, overbearing family members, and strangers: I welcome you to the beginning of the end. [See what I did there? See how in the very first issue of Cheers and Jeers I referenced the beginning, but did so by referencing the end by using not only a commencement address but the beginning of it. . . ?]
Forget it. Read at your own peril.
1 Cheer: The New York State Fair
I didn’t plan on going to the great New York State Fair this year. In fact, I didn’t want to. The downward trends continue: the butter sculpture gets simpler, people get drunker earlier, more people are opting for motorized scooters, and kids have leashes. It’s an outdoor casino. So why did I go? Because you have to. If you’ve never been, I hope you had a chance to go. There must be something in the water because I keep getting sick and going back.
2 Cheers: The New Le Moyne Website
Le Moyne College’s home website was long overdue for some sprucing up, and having recently viewed the new additions in media layout and overall “wow” factor, the website gets two cheers from me. I still can’t figure out how to find anything, and I managed to find a few links to some clubs that were seriously outdated, but what’s the harm? Somewhere an 80-year-old is thrilled to still be listed as the president of the book club.
3 Cheers: Experience
Whoever said getting older was all bad clearly hasn’t read the side of a Chipotle to-go bag. Age translates into experience [hopefully], and with this experience I now know that you can’t get a parking spot if you show up to campus after 9:30 a.m. I know how to shimmy through the hallway connecting Grewen and the Science Center that was made for stick figures. And I know that if you sit alone in the Den at a table made for six, you will not make friends. Cheers to lessons learned!
1 Jeer: The C Store
According to the Le Moyne website, the college has an enrollment of about 2,800 students. Not huge, but quite a few bodies all the same. Now, I understand that space is limited, but the C Store is the about the size of a downsized Smart Car. Many a time I have walked into the back corner of the store only to turn around and find myself hopelessly trapped, one hand in the sushi, the other awkwardly in someone’s backpack. I just wanted a sandwich.
2 Jeers: Construction
I have to give the construction crews credit for being so courteous to students as we barge through doors and threaten to topple the ladders they’re precariously perched on. But didn’t they have an entire summer to do whatever it is they’ve been doing? The other day I saw a guy on a ladder, someone holding said ladder, and then someone stabilizing the guy stabilizing the ladder. Really?
3 Jeers: Donald Trump
When Trump declared he was running for president, someone told me it was just an effort to get some good publicity. Really? Because in the last four weeks, Trump’s lost huge sponsors. Macy’s dumped him, ESPN said goodbye, and NBCUniversal took a hike, to name a few. For a successful billionaire businessman, he’s making million [maybe billion] dollar mistakes. Solution? Duct tape him to the next craft NASA sends to Mars. Either he’ll colonize the place or we’ll never hear from him again. Win-win.