Adam Thorne ‘15

ASST. SPORTS EDITOR

Greetings, degenerates! My sports gambling over winter break went a slight downward spiral, although through my winnings I was able to purchase about one beer in Guatemala. In any case, my claim to fame over that time was correctly identifying the Super Bowl referee. I’ll take Bill Vinovich for $50, Alex! But with the biggest of all the big games happening this Sunday, we have to devote most of our attention to it. [Editor’s Note: The writer contemplated writing two separate N.F.L. prop columns this week: one for normal circumstances, and one if the Patriots deflated the game balls.]

Now, let’s take a look at some props!

Super Bowl MVP

A fairly standard bet that generates widespread action, betting on the MVP is like picking a horse on a fine August day at Saratoga. For my money, I say put it on both kickers, Stephen Gostkowski and Steven Haucshka, who both are at the rear of betting at 100/1. However, I don’t foresee any of the above men cementing their legacy as Scott Norwood, Jr. If there’s anything I like to wager, it’s a hefty longshot…if you don’t believe me, ask the Editor. Pick: did you read what I just wrote?!

First Penalty

Since I’m a weirdo, this is my favorite bet. Period. On a personal note, I took in the Ravens/Niners SB two years ago that the first penalty would be a false start, then when Ladies’ Man Jerome Boger [look it up] started to motion his fists in the false start signal then announced “Illegal Motion” I nearly had a conniption. So let your mind run wild. Do you think Richard Sherman will head-butt LeGarrette Blount for the first penalty? Or do you want to mix the first penalty with it being the first play? Break out those parlay calculators! Pick: Personal Foul [9/1]

First Score

Again, let your mind run rampant, and please don’t pick “Patriots TD Pass”. I’m pretty that’s how Matt has lost to me three years in a row…gang. If push comes to shove though, it’s really a crapshoot as to which you take…so take like three of these. You’re bound to get your money back…hopefully. Pick: Patriots Rushing TD [11/2]

Cross Sport Parlays

I contacted the fine folks in Vegas [not really] about crossing the Super Bowl with some Indian cricket fixtures because someone gave me a nice tip on the Chennai Super Kings [again, look it up]. Yet for all of you that know me, you know I’m going to take some ridiculous prop, i.e. a personal foul being the first penalty of the game and combine it with Stan Wawrinka nailing down his second consecutive Aussie Open final! [I’m sure that now at print time that he will have already been knocked out of the tournament, but one can pray.] Pick: I’m picking something that I hope to tell my grandkids about, regardless if I’m seeing my grandchildren in a villa or under a bridge. [Odds: astronomical!]

Non-Sponsored Sodexo Hot Bowl Hot Take of the Week: Seattle [+2] versus New England:

Super Bowl XLIX, which if you pronounce everything phonetically sounds like a SyFy Channel series on par with Sharknado 2, features two teams that people love to hate! It’s just like watching Tyler Perry, or Days of Our Lives, or listening to Rebecca Black! In fact, I’m pretty sure Drew Bledsoe is starting this one, so I’d be weary of The Greatest Show on Turf Earth. Pick: The Diamondbacks in four!