HE SAID SHE SAID: Any Way You Want It

More stories from Ken D'Angelo

It Beats Working
March 30, 2017
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February 4, 2016
HE SAID SHE SAID: Any Way You Want It

This edition of “He Said She Said” is a bit different from previous ones. Based on emails and face to face conversations, we seem to be more in agreement than in disagreement. The topic this week is LGBT folks in a changing society.

Last year I wrote a piece that in my own gentle way pointed out the idiocy of the Indiana legislature and governor in drafting and signing into law a bill that allows mercantile entities the right to refuse service to gays and lesbians and anyone else whose sexual orientation they find “religiously” offensive. My ire was not in the perceived “discrimination” of such a law but in its total lack of necessity. If a merchant is dumb enough to refuse business I guess that is their right, but they don’t need a law. If I was a self-destructive business owner of a bakery who only wanted heterosexual customers, I would take the following steps: I would politely inform any couple who knowingly chose to rub their lifestyle choice (that I may find repulsive) in my face, that in spite of my view, I will absolutely bake their cake. And when I am done I will put two male or female figurines as the case may be.  I will also take all profit that I make from this effort and contribute it to the most virulent anti gay-lesbian organization that I can find. My guess is that when word gets out as to my plan that I will not be bothered with gays, lesbians or any other sexual preference which I don’t approve.There is also the probability that I won’t be bothered by the friends and family of the folks I have scorned. Which may lead to my going out of business. Either way, problem solved without the need of legislative interference. Either way idiocy prevails.

I have no personal desire to cause harm to LGBT people. Neither do I have any desire to take part in advancing their political agenda. I just don’t care. In my own bumbling way let me try to explain my thoughts. If you ever get the chance, visit Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington D.C. You will see grave after grave of U.S. soldiers, sailors and airmen and women. Anyone with enough arithmetic skills to have stopped using fingers and toes in their calculations should be able to figure that of the thousands buried there, some of them were gay, served their country and may have died heroically. So why not let gays and lesbians enlist in the service of their choice? Here is another point. In the eyes of the law marriage is a contract between two people. Based on this, I see no reason that a gay or lesbian couple should not be allowed to enter into a CONTRACT!! They have a right to the same level of aggravation as do heterosexuals. At the risk of having a brick dropped on my head around this intensely PC (politically correct) campus, let me also state that I have no problem with any religion that views marriage as a sacrament. Keeping the sacrament for exclusively heterosexual couples is a doctrinal decision, not a legal one. I think that maybe you are getting to see where Allison and I are not exactly on the same path regarding this topic. I admit that I do have a level of discomfort about all this. There is a delightful quote that may explain how I feel attributed to Mrs. Patrick Campbell. She was an English actress in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. She allegedly said,  “I don’t care where people make love, as long as they don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.” That in general is my view on the LGBT crowd. I could not possibly care less with whom any adult has sex. I don’t care what techniques involving non sexual body parts, electric devices, kitchen utensils and fake genitalia are used. If getting off for some folks means exotic oils, tantric breathing, kamasutra contortions and any other creative techniques with members of the same or opposite sex, I don’t care. Just don’t do it on the street.  Don’t get in my face about it. To hell with the horses, don’t frighten short, chubby, bald, old coots like me. OK, I’ve given you my general take on the LGBT community. Specifically the “L” the “G” and “B” part of the initials are/or should be pretty well self explanatory to everyone reading this. If not, I recommend a meeting with your favorite health care professional. I have written in past articles about my large extended Italian family in which I have cousins who are gay and lesbian. I grew up with some. I babysat some. They are family. If we don’t see each other but once or twice a year at semi annual family gatherings, they are still and will always be family. If they were harassed by anyone, I know that me, my uncles, brother and cousins would rearrange the body parts of any bully causing trouble. We’d do it for family. Would we do it for strangers? I like to think so. Buy me a beer and we can talk about it .

As to the “T” part, I see some problems. None of which involve bathrooms. My favorite bar is the Raquette Lake Tap Room. It is located in a small hamlet in the Adirondacks. It has two toilets that are used by both male and female patrons; the protocol is very simple. If the door is locked, wait your turn. No Problem. I have a problem with what to think about transgender people. This really confuses me. If a male dresses like a female, identifies himself as female, feels that he should have been born female, I don’t care. The same is true for females who want to change their sexual identity.  But I have questions.  Does a transgender male play on the softball or baseball team? If a transgender female has a 95 mile per hour fastball and a curveball that drops eight inches and a changeup motion that mimics her fastball should she play on the baseball team? (personally I would say hell no to the first and hell yes to the second question) Toward which sex do transgendered people feel attracted? Does it vary from case to case? Which locker room does a transgender athlete use? I freely admit that I am very confused and not very comfortable about this. I may be wrong but my guess is that a goodly portion of the readers of this piece may feel the same.