Under the influence…of finals

Janna Herchenroder '14, Staff Writer

I am sitting here, glass of white wine in my hand, writing this article the night it’s due…actually a few minutes past when it’s due. Sound familiar? That’s probably because you’re doing the same thing right now. You are reading this article because it caught your eye when you were “trying really hard” to focus on your take-home final.

The Pub is an excellent place to come up with research paper topics. Actually, no. I tried that and had a good seven or eight wine slushies and all the inspiration I had was a really odd Facebook status I woke up to. Not to mention, I overslept and ended up rushing a lot more.

I am only an alcoholic during finals week – I swear.  What really doesn’t help is that I see and hear really odd things. Only yesterday evening, while making dinner, I heard some cars beeping. I looked out the window to a couple guys peeing across the road. I was making dinner, mind you, so it was still daytime. A previous evening, shouts in the stairwell and outside brought attention to the fact that students were running around with lit Tiki torches. Ummm Dolphy Day was…not right now.

As I am halfway through this article, I am also halfway through this bottle of wine and am reminded that I have less than two weeks. Is that why these paper are going so slow? Maybe it is my subconscious telling me that it is almost over so I have to prolong it as long as possible.

Is that why I have to constantly check Facebook and my email while I’m writing papers? Like someone is going to choose this hour to send me the most important comment in my life…about a picture I snapped of the flamingo at the Syracuse zoo.

Focus. You have eight pages to write and you decided to wait until you have 6 hours to hand it in. Introduction paragraph and…ooooh who just liked the photo I posted of my wine glass? He/she is probably in the same boat I’m in. Twenty-seven comments later I check the time in the corner of my computer screen. Crap. Okay, focus. Sentence number two…

I have tried turning off my phone. That lasts maybe twenty minutes before I’m dying to see how loaded up my phone has gotten and I just have to turn it on. No messages, but I randomly text someone, because I’m on my fifth glass of wine so, well, why not? That opens up an entirely new can of worms.

This is generally why, earlier in the semester, I earn as much brownie points as possible. I hand in papers as early as I can and communicate with Professors as much as possible. If they know you are a sincere student who is aware of deadlines and keeps up on papers, they might just forgive you when you show up late.

Five hours late to be exact, last night’s make up streaked down your face, frantically waving your very late paper. The only reason you are standing is because you downed a shot of espresso and four black coffees. After handing in the paper, you pass out, hopefully on your bed, then wake up hours later only to realize you had another one due. This next glass is for you; good luck guys!