The harsh reality of graduating college is finally in the forefront of my mind. This week was the absolute last week of classes I will ever take. Unless I become lucky and convince a future employer to pay for my masters, but that’s too far down the road for me to even think about. So for now, I’ll cry myself to sleep for the next 10 days because life is changing forever. I’ve done a lot of graduating in my life; why is this one so much different?

Since the age of four, school is all I have known. First pre-school, where I was able to to take naps, color and learn my letters and numbers. Then I graduated to kindergarten and elementary school where my only concern was what time recess was. Those were the good days.

After graduating out of elementary school, sixth grade was a crucial year. It was a sense of freedom, we got to switch classrooms for each subject and picking your lunch table determined your popularity in Solvay Middle School because those people you sat with eventually became your friends and stayed by your side [for the most part] throughout high school.

High school was the worst, especially the high school I attended. There were 600 kids total in my whole high school and the class of 2010 was considered one of the biggest classes, with a graduating count of 150 kids. I took high school for granted, thinking I would always be with the same 600 kids because we all went to the same high school. All 150 of us in 2010’s graduating class dealt with bullies, relationships, friendships, fights, junior prom, senior ball and the SATs. I thought this is how college would be, standing side-by-side because we were in the same graduating class. Looking back, I think high school graduation was the first time I actually got to start making decisions that would dictate the rest of my life.

College threw me completely off. At first, I thought going away to college would be what was best for me.  But by the end of my spring semester, I knew for a fact that I was packing up my car for the last time  and that I needed to be somewhere closer to home.

From preschool to senior year, I was with mostly all the same kids. We knew each other’s siblings, parents, where they lived, who their friends were- basically everything.

But going to college was the exact opposite; I had to start over. Yes, I had my high school friends, but they were off making new friends; college is all about new friends, new experiences and education.

I like to use the metaphor that college is like learning to ride a bike. Just as in high school, it was a continuous four-year bike ride that had its speed bumps and potholes, but you never fell off. And graduation day is the curb you never see coming that flings you right into the grass. Except you have three months to get yourself up, brush off the grass stains and fix your bike. Because when August rolls around, it’s time to learn again.

Now those four years are behind me and this time I know the curb is coming. This truly is the end. No more school and it’s not settling right with me. It’s all I, and many of my peers, know.

Luckily, there are those who know exactly what they want to do when they receive that diploma in a couple weeks, and I truly envy those of you.  But as for those who don’t, you’re not alone.

And I’ve learned that it’s okay not to know what to do after graduation. I think it should be mandatory for recent college graduates to have a couple days to let reality sink in and let them wrap their head around the fact that excuses for not having a full-time job are over.

When I was little I couldn’t wait for school to be over. Now, I wish I could back-pedal and enjoy college a little longer.