Love Actually: One night stands

Brandt Ranj, Staff Writer

I hope your break was filled with self-actualization and relaxation, but now that we’re all back to the grind, it’s time for yet another look into the land of love.

Imagine if you will, that you’re lying in bed. As you return to the world of the living, you realize a number of signs that indicate that the blur people are calling “last night” may have led you to a particular situation, and destination. The first identifier that you may have had a one night stand is that you’re almost completely naked, which is how some people sleep on a nightly basis, but the majority don’t. The second may be an odor you’re not familiar with. For men this would be perfume,  and for women this would be body spray. At this point you likely have a dire need to use the restroom and have to open your eyes and face the music, you’ve likely had a one night stand.

The one night stand is a moral limbo, a gray area that eschews the mammalian level of the brain that seeks love while enhancing the reptilian part of the brain which lusts after…well, lust. It’s also worthwhile to note that not all one night stands require alcohol, some are just results of needing a rebound, comfort or to be honest, just a quick (depending on the partner’s endurance) lesson in anatomy. Nor do these events have to be seen as a sign of moral corruption, although their frequency may suggest that in certain situations. The most important detail though, is how you respond to, and deal with, a one night stand.

If alcohol was involved, it’s best — as a pair — to figure out the details of the night. Freaking out right off the bat does no good for anyone. After that, if something as important as “did we use contraception” is blurry, check for pregnancy immediately. It’s also important to note that if you don’t know one another, introductions are in order.

A common post-one night stand move is to attempt to sneak out of the other person’s dorm room. This isn’t cool, actually — it’s pretty cowardly. If you’re willing to sleep with someone, then you should be willing to talk to them. If the person you’ve slept with is dating somebody, especially somebody you know, then it’s going to be miserable, but one must reap what one sows.

Finally, there’s one of the most infamous of all college “traditions,” the ol’ “walk of shame.” Might we all treat folks making the snowy trek from Harrison down to The Heights with an ounce of respect? It’s easy to smirk, point and gawk at these folks. I’ll even cop to having said some unsettling things about droopy-eyed party goers walking around campus at noon on Sunday but that’s only adding insult to injury. I think that it’s important to have fun! While we’re all young it’s important to gain different life experiences, but don’t let a reenactment of a Marvin Gaye album keep you from being classy.