Cheers and Jeers

Drew Acquaviva, Staff Writer

This week’s issue of Cheers and Jeers is pretty jeer-heavy, but deservedly so. Many things have gone wrong this past week that need addressing. No, I’m not talking about Michele Bachmann’s sudden expertise in the side effects of the HPV vaccine. Rather, I’d prefer to talk about much more calamitous problems plaguing Le Moyne. So let’s get to it!

 

Cheer of the Week : GloZell 

Hello! This is Cheers and Jeers! Is you OK? Is you? Good, ‘cause I’m here to talk about my hero, GloZell. For those of you who aren’t YouTube savvy, GloZell is a reviewer of popular new music videos. She made Internet fame before adopting the persona, but she is most famous for her hilarious “stereotypical black woman”  commentary. My favorite videos of hers are her reviews of Lady GaGa videos, especially “Alejandro.” Watching her talk about cotton candy all up in Katy Perry’s “crackamus” or how she’s a little bisexual because if you buy her something, she becomes sexual is endlessly entertaining. What is most interesting is that even under the stereotypical black woman character that she adopts, hers is a legitimate commentary on the state of modern pop culture. Being able to balance and maintain the two is well deserving of a cheer. You do you, GloZell. Over and out!

 

Jeer of the Week: Frequent homophone abusers

Eye wood hate two find out that people don’t no what a homophone is, and I hate even moor when their misused. Nowadays, people communicate via typing almost as often as talking. As a result, it has become especially important for these new typists to brush off their Hooked on Phonics and re-learn the difference between “no” and “know,” or “their,” “there” and “they’re.” It’s sort of acceptable in informal instant messaging situations because you’re with your friend and don’t have time to backspace and fix your mistakes while your friend sits there for five minutes with nothing but “idkmybffjill1991 is typing…” in his or her chat window. However, in academic papers, it goes beyond lazy to not check your homophones; you just look like a 5th grader pretending to be a grown-up. It’s both childishly adorable and insufferable to a critical professor. Oh, and Le Moyne professors, you’re welcome for this jeer.

 

CHEERS to politics

Ah, the American Dream: having your political voice drowned out by those of millionaires and corporations who are the main supporters of inherently corrupt and hypocritical candidates. What I really like is that nowadays anyone can become President. (Actually, that’s only if you’re a rich, heterosexual WASP with so much charisma you could convince Jason Derülo to stop saying his own name.) The point is, once you’ve finally inveigled your way to that exquisite position of power, you can start to contribute to the collective of American political intelligence and excellence. A politician can do wonderful things such as attempt to pass constitutional amendments to prohibit abortion or marriage of same-sex couples while at the same time opposing “big” government. It warms my heart to know that justice and democracy are being well served by allowing 535 people to represent over 616,000 times that number. Seriously, you can’t argue with that math. If you don’t like it, you’re more than welcome to move to another country. It’ll just cost you about $200 for the passport alone, but that’s nothing for the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans, and who really cares about anyone else?

 

JEERS to geese

Generally, when I’m on my way to the Athletic Center to work out, I don’t want to also play Minesweeper along the way. Unfortunately, since Le Moyne is home to approximately 200,000 geese, I don’t have a choice. For some reason, geese love to hang out on the grass or in the “pond” near the AC parking lot. That is, until no one’s around, at which point I can only assume they have a dance party on the paved walkways and get so excited that they just poop everywhere. Then the “human alarm” goes off and they have to get back into position on the grass while we tiptoe our way down the hill trying to avoid the remnants of the geese’s bacchanalian escapades. While that’s just inconvenient for us, there are worse plots that these geese are — dare I say — hatching (Peabody Award, here I come). What I’m getting at is that these geese spend their whole day doing two things: pooping and eating grass. They eat so much grass that I fear that they are contributing to global warming by destroying Earth’s main means of consuming excess CO2 in the atmosphere. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the geese are trying to kill us all, and that’s something I just do not tolerate.

 

JEERS to the new Facebook layout

Facebook designers must think that if they don’t change things up every few weeks then they’ll be shot. In this case, the home page has been changed to feature Recent Stories that you can mark as Top Stories which will appear in priority over others. Also, in the corner is now a live feed of all your friends’ activity, a detailed list of all of their most recent likes, comments, and shared materials. This alone would be a cheer because it brings on a whole new level of Facebook stalking, one of my favorite activities. However, it’s kind of creepy. It makes me feel like there’s a virtual camera following the actions of all Facebook users and feeding them to everyone else. Beyond that, the changes render the page too cluttered. Between the mini-feed, the chat window, this new “Big Brother feed” (as I’ve dubbed it) and all of the other advertisements and links to external pages, I feel like I can’t see anything without having it cut off so I have to scroll after two stories. It almost enough to make me miss MySpace. Almost.

JEERS to the library ventilation system

Anyone who has to walk past the side of the library near the PAC knows what I’m talking about. You’re walking along your merry way heading to class or a meal when suddenly you have to leap off the road because you think a car is peeling out and will run you over. Actually, it’s just the squeaking of the library’s air turning on. If you’re far away, it’s even worse, because the sound makes one think that a car is screeching to a halt to avoid a collision. Naturally, our macabre obsession with seeing car accidents kicks in and you turn that way hoping to see a terrible scene and you don’t even see a single car, let alone two crushed together. I’ve fallen victim to this otherwise innocent noise many times already, and I don’t like it one bit. I think it’s high time that the library completely renovates it’s ventilation system. It’s for a good cause (aka my convenience).