Syracuse, NY— In order to prepare for the dreaded finals week, I did some interviewing to find some helpful tips and tricks so you can kick your final exams’ a**es. Here is a list of what I thought was the most helpful:
1. Find a group of people in your class who also don’t want to study and throw a party the night before the exam. Invite as many people from the class as possible in order to prevent anyone from studying that night.

It’s better to fail in numbers rather than alone.

2. Return all rented textbooks before finals week. If you don’t know the material by now, you won’t know it in time for the exam. Hopefully the parting gesture will trigger any memories you and the textbook had during the semester.
3. Just because it’s finals week doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself. Avoid all healthy food and stock up on sugar, grease, alcohol, and caffeine while you’re still young. The sugar and caffeine will help you power through, while the grease and alcohol will help you cope with the fact that you’ll maybe get a D+ on that Philosophy final, on which you only understood what half the words meant anyway.  

Happy finals week!

 

*Source of all tips come from local 69-year-old homeless man Ronald Carter, who can frequently be found behind the Nice N Easy located on Thompson Rd.