Syracuse, NY— The parody news [in other words “fake news”] column, Not Newsworthy News, which appears in the weekly issue of The Dolphin, is causing a stir on the Le Moyne College campus. Statistics show that about five out of the 20 students that actually read this column have no clue that the events that take place are 100 percent made up. Surprisingly, all of whom live in Harrison Hall.

“I was sincerely worried about my insurance policy going up after reading the article about New York State banning ‘whipping and nae naeing’ while driving,” said sophomore Dixon Butts. “I guess I should have known it wasn’t real when the punishment was a fine of $69 and two points on your license.”

According to Butts, students of Harrison Hall got together to write a strongly worded  letter accompanied by a petition begging Gov. Andrew Cuomo to repeal the “law.” Among these students were Hugh Jass, Anita Hardcock, Philip Purass, Stu Pidassoe, and many more. Luckily, the students don’t understand the U.S. postal system, so the letter and petition were never sent.

Another article that confused students was “Walmart answers pumpkin spice prayers.”

“After reading the article, my mother and I immediately drove down to Walmart to get some pumpkin spice bottle nipples,” said pumpkin spice lover and Sophomore Yandeeda Horgasm. “The customer service representative practically sh— her pants from laughter when I asked where I could find the pumpkin spice baby care items.”

Staff writer of Not Newsworthy News, Adrianna Pizzola, is both frustrated and pleased with the reactions to her weekly articles.

“I think it adds to the comic effect when I hear people talking about my articles thinking they’re real,” said Pizzola. “My goal in writing satire is to give the masses a good laugh, not a headache.”