Cheers & Jeers – 10/25/12

Tyler Sperrazza, Staff Writer

So a little birdie tells me that Slick Willy Clinton offered to speak at Le Moyne last week, but was turned away due to an apparent fear of ex-Presidents. I am so glad our administration is looking out for the well-being of its students, and preventing them from being brainwashed by adulterous, liberal doctrines. We are all grateful to Freddy P. for saving us from the terrifying speech on the situation in Libya that Billy offered to give. Although, maybe next time one of the four surviving ex-Presidents of the United States comes to Syracuse, NY and offers to speak at our tiny institution, our own President will welcome him with open arms, instead of bowing to pressure from Le Moyne’s Republican donors.


CHEER of the week- to the Brick Bandit

The recent construction in front of the library has once again befuddled the LMC community. Why does a walkway get a facelift when Reilly Hall looks and smells like the rugby team’s bus? Don’t construction folk understand that within the span of one Syracuse winter the entire path will be cracked again? The concrete does serve a purpose, however, in that it protects the classy ladies in five inch stilettos from getting their heel trapped in one of the brick path death traps that exist in a few places. These paths are unstable, unsettling and often completely un-walkable. Enter this week’s Le Moyne hero, the Brick Bandit! This individual has never been seen, and no one is sure whether the bandit is a man or a woman, but one thing is certain: the bandit has dedicated his or her life to protecting the ankles of every Le Moyne student, from wide-eyed freshmen to the battle-hardened seniors. Wherever a loose brick lies, the bandit is there, and the next day, a nice brick-shaped hole remains where there was once a dangerous hazard of doom. Often, it seems the bandit can anticipate a loose brick before it happens, removing entire sections of the walkways near the Chapel and the Jes Res. So the next time you are wandering around campus and you spot a clean, brick-shaped space where there once was deadly, unsteady tread, thank the Brick Bandit. And to the bandit, whoever you are, you aren’t the hero Le Moyne needs, but you are the one Le Moyne deserves.

JEER of the week- to Springfield Road
When did Le Moyne sell out to the cops? Why is Le Moyne playing host to Dewitt police officers and their speed traps? Doesn’t this place cost its students enough money without needing to bleed us dry from moving violations? Last Sunday, there were two cruisers parked at the Health and Wellness Center and one in the driveway of Physical Plant! Le Moyne: WTF? Do you even get a cut of the profit from the tickets issued? Have we run out of McDevitt money already, or are we just still bleeding from the freshman class of less than 600? I didn’t realize a Jesuit school would ever sink as low as to sell out to the boys in blue. When Simon Le Moyne built this campus in 1946, he envisioned a world where church and state would remain separate.  That’s why we got rid of most of the political science department this year. We are trying, across the board, to bring back the Jesuit spirit of this place, and yet the college has sold its property to the G-Men, and caused students undue stress when trying to speed past the lacrosse and baseball fields so their cars don’t get hit with errant balls. Freshmen trying to get to the Counseling Center during midterm week have been unable to muster up the courage to get the help they need, all because Le Moyne is sponsoring traffic safety month all year long. So please Le Moyne, get rid of the cops, and let Le Moyne students break the traffic laws just like every other citizen of this beautiful, free nation.

Cheers to Halloween Costume Prep

The best time of this fall season is not, as many may think, the parade of costumes on Oct 31. Instead, the most interesting time of Halloween is the intense debate, attention to minutiae and all-encompassing panic that consumes our lives during the weeks leading up to All Hallows Eve. The typical debates range from: which color Duct-Tape should my slutty dress be made of to which rubber mask should I buy for ten dollars to go with my black shirt and black sweatpants. Some ambitious LMC students will attempt to go further, however, and meticulously plan every detail of a costume that will only be viewed through fogged, sweaty beer goggles at the AC next Friday. The best costume prep, though, is the last minute scramble.  This usually results in the more creative, sarcastic costumes that will then end up flooding the pages of Imgur and Reddit on November 1.  The incredible craze, and the one that I personally look forward to the most, is the cosplay revolution. I cannot wait to see the fleets of Banes, Batmans, and Avengers that will make an appearance next weekend.  Happy Haunting, and if you are still looking for that perfect costume, look up Picasso’s Blue Period, then hit up the feminine products aisle at Wegmans.

Jeers to Facebook Whining

 All of us have “those” friends. You know the ones. They are constantly telling you how busy they are, and using Facebook as their personal sounding board for everything from boyfriend/girlfriend issues, whiny comments, and general pity party statuses. I am all for connectivity, but how unsupportive do your actual flesh-and-blood friends need to be to make you turn to virtual shoulders to cry on? As Facebook tops 1 billion users, it’s remarkable to see just how many use it in order to vent their groans and frustrations to the virtual world in order to gain attention from peers who they probably rarely see in real life. Narcissism is on the rise, folks, and we all need to be prepared for a very immediate future that will be filled with needy children, needy adults, and grandparents bitching online about their grandkids and looking for support from other Grammies and Poppies with similar issues. Facebook isn’t going anywhere. Those duck-faced girls on your news feed showing just a bit too much cleavage are going to be tomorrow’s nurses, teachers, lawyers, and doctors…I mean, they can’t all become strippers like they should or they’d flood the market, so some of them will get real jobs…just pray to god if you go to the hospital, you get the doctor or nurse who was the “nerd” for not being on Facebook.