Cheers & Jeers (Oct. 18th)

Tyler Sperrazza, Staff Writer

Well, the political season is in full swing, and I think it is safe to say that we all want to vote for Mitt Romney. Obama really should just concede the Presidency and allow our Mormon savior to assume the highest office of the United States. Or maybe Romney and  Ryan should just stick to sneaking into soup kitchens for photo ops.

JEERS to the pub’s hours

Okay pub, here’s the deal. We love having you on campus. We love stopping by after our late-evening activities for a cold beer and some SportsCenter. However, last Thursday night, I stopped by at 10:30, thinking I had a good hour and a half of pub-time left, and yet I found the doors locked, the TVs dark, and no bartender to be found. Now, I had checked the pub’s Facebook page (if you can’t find it that’s because the genius that created it spelled our school’s name “Lemoyne”) and its scheduled hours stated it was open until midnight. I assume the doors were closed because there were too few customers to make it worth staying open. This is the only acceptable reason for a business closing earlier than its stated hours, and even then it’s a bit of a crap reason. So Le Moyne, I beg you, don’t let the pub fail. If we can’t keep an on-campus bar, with ridiculously cheap prices and amazingly comfortable furniture open, how the hell can we call ourselves a college? So do your part, LMC students, and get drunk at the pub every night it’s open … check the incorrectly named Facebook page for hours.

CHEER of the week to President Romney*

Congratulations to the first Mormon POTUS! It’s been almost two hundred years since Joseph Smith began the biggest scam in American history, and it has finally paid off. I’m excited to see what changes our president-elect will make within the first six months in office. Rush Limbaugh said these are the most important months of a presidency, so I expect our Mormon-in-Chief will hit the ground running. I cannot wait to see Ann Romney’s face when she realizes she is not the only First Lady in the White House … what will we call the other wives? Do they just go in numerical order? And if Brigham Young University is any indication, soon college students across the country will be given the mandatory opportunity to abstain from sex until they’re married… I’m sure that’ll go over well at Le Moyne. Also, Romney’s VP Paul Ryan has some interesting plans for the country’s poor… he doesn’t believe that there are any. The Vice Presidential debate is tonight, even though current ex-VP Biden clearly has no chance, as Obama has already surrendered his bid after last week’s debacle.  So, Hail to the Chief, President Romney, and let’s all hope the White House doesn’t have to be raided by the FBI like the last time a Mormon lived in a giant white house.

JEER of the week to “Mr.” Obama*

Well, I think it’s fair to assume that this election is in the bag for President Romney. After a lousy display last Wednesday, coupled with a complete bashing on SNL, and Bill O’Reilly’s victory over Jon Stewart on Saturday, Mr. Obama should hang up his American flag pin and call it a term. Not only was he simply outclassed by Mitt’s flowing locks and perfect smile, he was unable to relate to the all-important American toddler, making exactly zero references to Sesame Street. He was Nixon to Romney’s Kennedy, he was beaten harder than the rugby team when they scrimmage SU. Mr. Obama needs to pack his socialist, anti-American, Islamic bags and remove himself from the highest office in the United States. Not only have the Democrats and the liberal media completely lost faith in the former president, but it seems as if Obama has lost faith in himself and his programs. Since the debate, Obama has repealed Obamacare, ended Social Security and Medicare, as well as abolished Welfare and made abortion illegal. Who would have thought that one debate could change so much? Oh right, no one thinks that.

CHEERS to Baseball

Fall isn’t the best time of year for many reasons, but I would argue that the fall sports schedule is the most exciting, unless the Olympics are being held in the winter or summer. Fall sports are the best: football is getting into the swing of things, basketball gets started, and hockey, well … ask Gary Bettman.  The best thing about fall, however, is baseball playoffs. For those of you that can’t stand watching baseball because “the games are too long,” or “it’s boring and for old men,” I challenge you to watch just one postseason game. Then you will understand the beauty of the true American pastime. And if you can’t bring yourself to watch the MLB games, then please go and watch the Dolphin’s baseball team. You have an opportunity on this campus to watch the real deal, and see some classmates of yours who might actually make a professional team someday (Andy Parrino ring any bells?). The bottom line is, baseball is the best sport, and everyone should watch the MLB playoffs to see if Brad Pitt’s team can finally win the World Series.