Cheers & Jeers

Tyler Sperrazza, Staff Writer

We need a good fight. In movies about college there are always random fights on campus.  We haven’t had a good one in a couple years, I think we’re due.  Word is that Iggy the Dolphin has challenged Freddy P. to a Cage Match in the basement of the Jes Res, but that’s just a rumor.  Maybe instead of a concert, LSPB would sponsor a boxing match, pitting Father McCallum against every other Jesuit on campus… simultaneously.  My bet is on McCallum in three rounds.  Oh, whoops, my editor is yelling at me to “get to the point,” here’s the rundown:

CHEER of the week to Dead Weight 

Everyone knows one of these individuals.  Many of you may be this individual.  And I am here to say, thank you.  Thank you for your daily contributions to the academic rigor of Le Moyne College, and also, thank you for making the rest of us look good. These are the ones that may come to class once a week, sit in the back, text throughout, and then, when asked a direct question by the professor, respond with, “can you repeat the question?”  These are the winners, the go-getters, the ones with a future paved with sliding by and lowered standards.  Why, then, is this a Cheer?  Well, I feel as if these individuals need to be commended for the important role they play in the academic life of Le Moyne College.  They serve as the exact opposite of what Le Moyne stands for, so the other ninety eight percent of the student body benefits when compared to them.  Professors see these one or two people as utterly hopeless, and that means one or two less people on which they need to concentrate their teaching.  So even though our average student/instructor ratio is 1:18, it’s actually more like 1:16 … admissions office, change that in your literature.  To be fair, college isn’t for everyone, but seriously, if college isn’t for you, why are you going to Le Moyne?  Go out and buy four, brand new BMW 3 Series for the same price as your four year degree.  And for those of you who do apply yourselves, remember, when all is said and done, these people get the same diploma as you.

 JEER of the week to ScaPay

I can’t believe we still use this asinine, heartless, no-good, low-down, cheapskate service.  Residents without cars, just bear with me for this one, the rest of you know where I’m going with this.  If there is one thing on this campus, other than a long line at 360 Stir-Fry, that brings my blood to a boil, it is seeing one of those tiny strips of white paper with blue trim sticking out from under a car’s windshield wipers.  Notice, I said “a” car.  I haven’t gotten a ticket in over a year because I don’t move my car out of fear of getting a ticket.  Now, this is not a Jeer to our Security Officers.  They are just following orders.  This isn’t even a Jeer to the process of ticketing.  No, this is a Jeer to the damn blue and white strips of paper with that tiny website on them telling you where to deposit your quart of blood in payment.  This company, based somewhere out west (red flag?!) is, as far as I can tell, run by a group of vindictive ex-meter maids who hate college students and professors.  Just a few short years ago, I was able to walk into the Security Office and explain my reason for parking sideways across the median between the trees in front of Grewen, but now we are forced to submit an electronic appeal to a faceless, Big Brother-esque organization, who invariably says no, and then charges late fees because the appeal took so long.  I can’t wait to see what happens when our overdue library charges are sent to some company in China, and the five-dollar fee for a new ID needs to be wired via Western Union.

Jeers to Perry’s Deficiency

 In this year’s first edition, I cheered the New Caf.  But, all luster fades eventually, and the New Caf has gone the way of the Boston Red Sox beyond the 2007 season.  The most egregious change is the apparent lack of imagination when it comes to dessert, particularly in the ice cream section.  Before this gaudy monstrosity was constructed, let’s face it, we ate in squalor, but we had good desserts.  Now, we are given the incredibly inventive choice of…oh wait…chocolate or vanilla fat free frozen yogurt.  What happened to the strawberry?!  The black raspberry?!  And then, the highlight of the old caf was the trip to the rolling-beer-cooler turned ice cream freezer in the back corner, where we would be delighted with as many as eight flavors of Perry’s ice cream every day!  Now, we are stuck with a weak rotation of four flavors.  Our choice has been cut in half and, if any of you were asked, and did agree to a fifty percent drop in our ice cream options, I will hunt you down, and force feed you that nasty, crystallized, fat-free chocolate fro-yo until your brain literally freezes.  Sodexo, fix this.  Bring us back our other four ice cream choices.  Stop hoarding the Perry’s for your own consumption; you have enough money to foot the bill for the renovation, then you can certainly afford four more tubs of Perry’s.  We are the 99%.

Cheers to Family Weekend 

What a way to end September!  Family Weekend is like a conjugal visit for college students; except instead of a few hours of hanky-panky, we get free food, new dorm supplies and a lifetime supply of cheap LMC memorabilia.  The Bookstore does a ton of business; there are sporting events all weekend; the PAC is full of laughter and music. There is nothing bad about Family Weekend.  The weekend is also perfectly timed.  Just when we start to ` bogged down with actual assignments, and we look ahead two weeks to midterms, Family Weekend pops up out of nowhere to rescue us from our Autumnal doldrums.  For those of you whose families didn’t visit on Family Weekend, I hope you had a friend or a roommate who was willing to loan his or her parents to you for the duration.  If not, find some friends!  And if you have friends, but still couldn’t find any parents to hang out with, I hope you spent your time with the scads of recent alumni who stopped by for some free drinks at the Pub and a trip to Mully’s (to remind them of the “good old days” of last May).  For next year’s Family Weekend, I hear the Alumni Office is pulling out all the stops and has booked Le Moyne alumus Eric Dolphy to perform.  I cannot wait to hear his concert and spontaneously decide to skip class the next day.