Cheers & Jeers

Tyler Sperrazza, Staff Writer

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Well, I thought I had written a really neat intro about the difference between sheep and sheep, moose and moose, and deer and deer, but apparently the editorial staff isn’t interested in the incredible versatility of the English language.  So instead, I’ll use what is left of my word count to say how much I love The Big Bang Theory, how much I hate Green Day, and how happy I am that the Boston Red Sox are going to miss the playoffs.  Don’t ever tell me to rewrite my intro again.

 
CHEER of the week To Ignatius Loyola
As Le Moyne continues its rebranding under the OneLeMoyne program, we are constantly bombarded by the term Jesuit; I italicize it here because apparently that is how the word was always intended to be written.  Now, many of you freshmen may not know what a Jesuit is; hell some of the seniors probably don’t know either!  As far as I can surmise, given what I’m told by the history books, the Jesuits are a rogue band of militant Catholic priests who seek to radically proselytize Catholics through the use of secondary and higher education. To be fair, I read this in a book written by Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, but they’re both Christians so they aren’t allowed to lie. The Jesuits on Le Moyne’s campus seem to be a lot more relaxed than our future president’s book would have you believe. They even have a totally chill take on the founder of their Order. Usually, when I’ve seen statues of St. Ignatius Loyola on other Jesuit campuses, they’re giant bronze creations, stunningly set against a field of gorgeous flowers. Le Moyne, the youngest* of the American Jesuit schools, has apparently taken up its mantle of “youngest, most rebellious child,” and has decked Ignatius in a modern-day blazer and tie.  They kept his beard, probably his most recognizable feature, but instead of him carrying a book or a cross, Ignatius has been given a saxophone. Now, I get where the College is coming from: religion can be outdated and sometimes the lives of the saints are pretty ho-hum, so reinventing the Jesuits’ founder as a Jazz musician is a great attempt at revitalizing the pretty boring story of Ignatius’s soldiering, cannon ball through the leg, miracle working life. I think the next step for OneLeMoyne’s Jesuit reinvention needs to be centered on the most ho-hum of all Catholic activities: Mass. I think some strobe lights and a few rock ballads in the Chapel will really complement the modern vision that Le Moyne has of its most important saint.
*Except Wheeling Jesuit, but let’s face it, schools in West Virginia don’t actually count.JEER of the week to the New Bells

 I was lying in bed earlier this week, waiting patiently for my alarm to go off, waking me up for another fantastic day on Le Moyne’s campus. I’m pretty old school. I don’t actually own an alarm clock per-se. I depend on the College’s wonderfully effective bell tower to wake me up each day. This had never been an issue before this particular morning because, as most Le Moyne students know, the bells are louder than Trivia Night at the Pub. As I lay in bed, waiting for the bells to shock me awake, nothing happened. Eventually I went downstairs to check the clock and realized it was already ten minutes past the top of the hour! Where were the bells? Well, later that day I found out what had happened. Sitting in class in Grewen, I watched the clock like a hawk. Usually, at the top of the hour, halfway through class, my professor is drowned out by those oppressive, but comfortingly familiar bells. But this day, a terrible, harmonic, pansy melody began drifting out of the bell tower. Come on, Le Moyne!  We’re already the Dolphins, and even a city like Miami, the third most-dangerous city in the U.S., can’t make that an intimidating mascot! But now, we lost our one powerful attribute, our bells! Our once fear-instilling, awe-inspiring bells have been cut off, and replaced with weak, melodious, tiny bells that will be mocked for all time  I beg you, for our image’s sake, please give us back our bells; I really don’t want to go buy an alarm clock.

Cheers to: Syracuse Weather

I love cold weather. I know a lot of you out there do too. This summer was great, but when that first blast of rain pours down and saturates your walk from the dorm to your class, you know winter is coming soon. Now, I understand that many of you may not be from around here, and many of the freshmen have not experienced a Syracuse winter yet. Let me assure you, they are everything you could dream about when wishing for snow and cold. Last year notwithstanding, the winters at Le Moyne are full of snowballs, snow forts, snow days and yellow snow cones after Thirsty Thursdays. William Shakespeare summed up Syracuse weather perfectly when he wrote, “Now is the fall rain of our discontent, made glorious winter by the lack of sun in November.” I’m paraphrasing. The point is, when you look out your window every day this month and you groan due to the rain and the lack of sun, just remember the snow that will eventually cover our campus and potentially cancel our classes. Snow is the best thing about Syracuse! It is what makes this city unique; it’s the only thing the city will ever have a chance to break records in, except maybe highway construction. We need to embrace the cold and rain of fall, and prepare to welcome what the Almanac’s are predicting will be one of the best winters in history, and by best I mean worst. Screw the big hill; get those old, pink caf trays ready, we might be able to sled off the roof of the Jes Res this year!

Jeers to: Lot AA (near the A.C.)

I didn’t know that Le Moyne existed in a time-space paradox. Honestly, it’s really cool and I think the physics department could have a lot of fun investigating this phenomenon, but in terms of the daily life of Le Moyne students and faculty, the split in the fabric of time known as Lot AA is a real pain in the ass. Everywhere else on Le Moyne’s campus is accessible within a five to eight minute walk.  The farthest corners of campus can be spanned without breaking a sweat. However, when one is forced to park in Lot AA, it’s as if Le Moyne becomes an inaccessible wasteland, and those unlucky individuals need to pack survival gear to get to and from classes. I heard a woman last week say, “I brought my walking shoes today, just in case I have to park in AA.” Really? We can’t build parking lots that allow these women to wear their five inch heels from the car all the way to class? And what’s this I hear about faculty parking in Lot AA? Now, I’m all for equal rights, but isn’t there something wrong in a veteran member of the faculty having a longer walk to their office than college-aged Commuter Joe’s leisurely stroll from Lot C to his class? Now, I know that our college personal have worked long and hard on this parking situation, and they are doing a bang-up job making money on tickets. But I have one more proposal to possibly fix this parking conundrum… an intricate network of underground lots and tunnels with elevators directly into the academic buildings. I know it’s a long shot, but at least we’d be using donor gifts to solve a problem that affects everyone on campus.