Cheers & Jeers

Tyler Sperrazza, Staff Writer

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Well, first week back.  The freshmen are wandering to and fro, aimlessly searching for that room in Reilly that exists between the 2nd and 3rd floors, the senior class is settling in for their last hurrah… the sophomores and juniors really have nothing to be excited about and faculty members are counting the hours until Columbus Day break.  It’s a new year, and that means a new collection of Cheers & Jeers each week; I hope you find them amusing.  If you don’t, I respectfully advise that you be evaluated by a licensed psychotherapist.

 

CHEER of the week : to Meme-based Communication

“Watch out, we got a badass over here.” Ehrmagerd, Ler Meyrne Kerlege.” Rage face, impossibru, me gusta, faceplam, philosoraptor, om nom nom, chemistry cat.  That’s a transcription of the most recent texting conversation with my girlfriend.  What we were actually discussing is of little consequence; the point is that our communication has been streamlined by the glorious proliferation of Internet memes.  This doesn’t only affect virtual communication. Face-to-face conversations are now infused with Boromir and Socially Awkward Penguin references, which make previously bland communiqués exciting once again! I would advise (against) using these references in the classroom, however. Even though your classmates might appreciate a well-timed “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore,” your professors may decide to take that request a bit too literally.

 

JEER of the week:to Stick Figure Families

I am not one who is inclined to road rage. That being said there is nothing that makes me want to sideswipe another vehicle so much as those damn stick figure window clings on the rear window of a soccer-mom-mobile. First issue, why do all the kids look the same!? Can their parents just not tell them apart? Second, what is their function? Do they notify emergency responders of his many people they should be attempting to save in the event of an accident? And dwell on this, what’s the proper waiting period before the awkward reality of peeling the puppy figure off the window once Fido kicks the bucket?

 

CHEERS to the New Caf

The ribbon has been cut, and the new dining hall is now officially open for business.  An eclectic design filled with giant space-ship like food stations, coupled with hamburger lamps and a sixties diner make this new renovation sparkle like the sweat on Mitt Romney’s face when he’s speaking to the NAACP.  Who knew the same old Sodexo food would taste so much better with a new coat of paint on the walls?!  My hat is off to the build team, who blazed through this project in a mere four months, which may leave many wondering why the other construction projects at Le Moyne seem to last the entire course of a student’s career, but I digress. The most interesting design choice was the exclusion of any clocks…. perhaps Sodexo is attempting to trap us in some culinary time vortex, but with food this good, who cares?!  So many opportunities await within the walls of the new Caf… at the very least we’re all just hoping for a reincarnation of weekly Buffalo Chicken Wraps.

 

JEERS to Syllabus Day

It’s the first day of classes, and you are all set for another semester full of knowledge gained, naps taken, and levels of “Angry Birds” conquered.  You settle into a chair towards the back of the room—you don’t want anyone to think you’re a loser—and you wait for your tuition dollars to start paying off…. but they never do.  You’re all set to begin your semester of expensive-but-worth-it Jesuit education, and your professor smacks you back to reality with an hour full of “dos and don’ts,” and begging you not to “check your Facespace” or “send any Twits” during their class.  And this isn’t just a one-time thing.  The first Monday and most likely Tuesday are completely shot, and God help you if you have a night-class on Wednesday, which would guarantee you three days of this nightmare. So students, petition your professors for an end to Syllabus Day. I have a sneaking suspicion that they hate writing them almost as much as we hate reading them.

 

CHEERS to Clint Eastwood

I am so excited to vote in the upcoming Presidential election.  Now that Clint Eastwood was given the Republican nod for the Oval Office, all I can do is imagine him executing the duties of the POTUS.  Just think: he hears Iran gets access to nukes, no problem!  He calls up Mahmoud, asks him if he feels lucky, next thing you know, Iran is our number one ally!  Goodbye energy crisis, I can almost taste those oil reserves now!  And think how clean the White House lawn will be, what with President Eastwood telling everyone to “get off” of it.  I envision motorcades of classic Fords, filled with Secret Service agents carrying .357 magnums and wearing blue jeans.  The only question that remains is, who will be his running mate?  Dare I say, Eastwood/Norris 2012?

 

JEERS to Self-Aware Fauna

It’s a bold statement to make, this being my first C&J, but I feel like something needs to be done.  The trees on Le Moyne’s campus can talk to each other.  Hear me out!  I have lived on this campus for three years, and this fall, something is different when I walk the grounds at night.  I swear, the trees are texting one another.   I don’t know if they come in peace or if they are plotting some sort of coup, I can’t be sure.  What I am sure of is that every one of us needs to be on the lookout.  I have already contacted SGA, and they are aware of the situation, but they are currently concerned with cigarette butts, so they haven’t gotten back to me.  I feel it is my responsibility to begin the counter-insurgency.  This enemy has deep- seated roots throughout the campus, so use the buddy system when walking the campus at night, and if you hear clicking from above, run as fast as you can, and pray that their bark isn’t worse than their bite.