The Definitive Ranking of Union Square Bar Bathrooms

More stories from Gabrielle Zumpano

Tribeca Film Festival
April 21, 2016

Photo Courtesy of Food Network.

We have all had our drunken nights in Downtown [DT] Syracuse, you know, those ones when we need to desperately use a bathroom, but don’t want to wait in line or use a grody bathroom. Now this article is aimed towards my fellow ladies, because let’s admit it boys, every bathroom line designed for you is moderately efficient. For my definitive ranking, I chose to explicitly rate the bathrooms in Armory Square. My bathroom experience DT could be completely different from yours, but here is what I have gathered. I also want to say that I do not encourage people to leave one bar to pee at another. [And yes, I am a hypocrite.] I only included the seven most popular bars in Armory Square for young college people.  


  1. Clinton Street Pub

I should disclose that I have not been in CSP since the remodel, so my opinion is strictly based on previous experiences.  Let’s be honest here, people, there was hardly a bathroom in CSP. Approximately half a person fit in the stall that was not handicap and the door opened in…like, how did they expect us to get in there. The handicap stall was just a regular stall. I do not know the requirements for bathrooms, but I do not know how they were getting away with that to be honest. Plus, the line for the bathroom was formed in front of the dart board. The interior design plan of CSP must not have originally included a bathroom, because it seems like a last minute addition. The floor is almost always saturated in some sort of liquid, so closed-toe shoewear is required, unless you want to leave with a bacterial infection.

  1. Mulrooney’s

I have a burning love for Mully’s, do not get me wrong. For us ‘Phins, Mully’s is our meeting ground. We mingle amongst each other, regardless of the actual relationship we have. When you walk into Mully’s, you know basically everyone in the bar. Unfortunately, if you have to tinkle, Mully’s is not the most ideal place. The bathroom situation is far from perfect. Everyone huddles in the back of the bar and usually you are skipped by girls that are so drunk they do not know which way is up from down. The cattiest fights are started in the line for the bathroom. Once you are in the bathroom, it is a pretty decent size, until everyone wants to take a mirror selfie or wants to friend pile into the stall. For some reason, and even I am guilty of this, we think friend piling will make our trip to the bathroom even faster. The bathroom is pretty clean, but always seems to be out of paper towels. Hopefully no one’s eating after a trip to the bathroom….

  1. The Penny Pub

In theory, Penny’s has the most efficient bathroom situation. One person at a time with the bathroom strategically placed in the most popular, central area of the bar. No lines really form, the line is more of an honor system. Also, there is a bouncer that is pretty much always watching the bathroom and I have seen him physically, almost rip the door off the hinges when a guy and lady went into the bathroom together. Now, Penny’s would have a higher ranking on the list if its bathroom wasn’t so gross. Literally, disgusting. Toilet paper just sits on the back of the toilet by the time final call is called. It’s almost too casual, even for a dive bar.

  1. Daisy Dukes

With a recent addition of carpeting to their “dance floor,” Daisy Dukes has become one of the less slippery bars DT. Even their bathroom floor is dry. Daisy Duke’s is in fourth place for one very important reason: hand driers. Now, hand driers can be hella annoying, but sufficiently less messy than paper towels, which is super gross for a bar to have all over the floor. Also, the bathroom in Daisy Dukes is much larger than other bathrooms, so everyone can conveniently wait inside the girls’ room. Even if the line did get long enough to go out into the hallway, the hallway is far away from the crowded bar, so the wait is not so awful.


Let’s bypass the cover charge for just a moment. Benjamin’s bathroom is classy AF. The mirrors and lighting in there make it the most ideal place in all of DT to take a selfie. The bathroom line usually gets longer as the night goes on. In order to avoid both the long wait outside, the cover charge, AND the long bathroom wait, it is best to arrive at Benjamin’s before 11:00 p.m. on a Saturday.

  1. Al’s

This is the classy hipster bar of my dreams. And in my dreams, there are no bathroom lines, so I must be dreaming. I have never run into a line at Al’s. An added bonus: the bathrooms are conveniently in the back of the bar.

  1. Kitty Hoynes

Alright, time to fess up here: I have left Mully’s on a few occasions to strictly use the bathroom at Kitty Hoynes on a busy Thursday or Saturday. There is never a line. Never. The only obstacle though, is you must dance your way past the stage and through the crowd to reach the bathroom—well worth it though. Kitty Hoynes could be at full capacity and there still is no line to the bathroom, truly an amazing thing. Not to mention, the bathroom is always spotless.


With this new information I hope you all go on and pee freely, my friends.