My 66 Thoughts during the Grammys

More stories from Gabrielle Zumpano

Tribeca Film Festival
April 21, 2016
Photo Courtesy of Paste Magazine.

Photo Courtesy of Paste Magazine.

The 58th annual Grammy Awards were held on Monday. Here are the thoughts I had throughout the event:


  1. “Out Of The Woods” is actually kind of catchy, but like #TeamHarryStyles4Ever
  2. They must have let her go first because she is not good live
  3. People dancing at award shows are always awkward, why do they even bother showing them?
  4. LL Cool J will unite us all with a lip sync battle, this I am sure of
  5. Flashback to “Rolling In The Deep” just shows that Adele has always killed it
  6. Stephen Colbert said “LL” as if it was a nickname
  7. Colbert cannot even get a ticket to Hamilton!! HOW RELATABLE
  8. Ice Cube had a son just so he could make Straight Outta Compton and so his son could play him
  9. I need Kendrick Lamar to win best rap album [and every other Grammy he is up for]
  11. If I ever won something and the music played, I would literally never stop talking
  12. These men look like they are in a trance by the prompter while announcing Sam Hunt and Carrie Underwood. Omg what is going on with them?
  13. Carrie Underwood and Sam Hunt just mesh so well together and on the carpet, she said she voted for him to win Best New Artist. S’cute
  14. Sam Hunt looks like he could be in a 2008 emo band with his haircut
  15. Oh, Ariana Grande thinks that she made the Weeknd because of that ONE song [“Love Me Harder”]
  16. Also, her “Earned It” pun was just a plug so she could sing on stage
  17. “Can’t Feel My Face” is totally about coke, but we all still jam hardcore to it like cokeheads
  18. The slower version of “In The Night” is the Weeknd’s way to prove he is MUCH more than a rapper
  19. Andra Day is so amazingly talented with such a beautiful range, I wish I had actual words
  20. Ellie Goulding does not have the voice to sing with her
  22. Chris Stapleton won Best Country Album and he thanked “Taylor Swift glitter bombing” omg
  23. I love James Corden
  24. Meghan Trainor, Demi Lovato, Luke Bryan, Tyrese Gibson, and John Legend are the weirdest combo
  25. John Legend is so cute and Lionel Richie loves his tribute thus far
  26. Lionel is so sweaty right now, omg someone is getting worked up
  27. Everyone is looking at Meghan with their fake smiles
  29. I just thought Robin Thicke jumped on stage, but it is actually Lionel
  30. Lionel is just doing his own echo right now, how cute
  31. Little Big Town sounds creepy and stalkerish, especially with the lightening right now
  32. I missed why Stevie Wonder was on stage and everyone told me he just wandered up on stage -__-
  33. The one kid from the Pentatonix looks like Meep from AHS
  34. Stevie Wonder probably cannot read the card for who wins, do you think it is in braille?
  35. Stevie Wonder made a blind joke! THE CARD IS IN BRAILLE
  36. “Thinking Out Loud” wins Song of the Year
  37. Is that woman with Ed Sheeran wearing a garbage bag?
  38. Ed Sheeran is so amazing
  39. Taylor Swift is a fake b*tch, crying “for Ed Sheeran,” but actually because she did not win
  40. People love The Eagles still?
  41. James Bay is honestly my favorite human being ever and I hope he wins the Best New Album of the Year
  42. Tori Kelly can hit the high notes and hold them for so long
  43. Tori and James performing together was beautiful, I almost shed a tear
  44. If Hamilton was not big enough and hard enough to get tickets for already, it will be almost impossible now
  45. Obama has seen Hamilton THREE times and I waited in a line four blocks long to win tickets in the lottery to see it. I did not win [the nerve of some presidents, amirite?]
  46. Kendrick has 11 nominations tonight, crazy
  47. Glow Paint, a HUGE bonfire, and traditional African dancers — Kendrick is KILLING this performance
  48. Did anyone think that Hamilton was not gonna win Best Musical?
  49. Best Rock Performances are dominating by the females
  50. Alabama Shakes wins over Foo Fighters, weird wins!
  51. Is Bruno Mars shirtless under his vest right now as he announces Adele?
  52. Adele bringing out my tears right now
  53. Someone just told me Diplo and Skrillex are Jack U….my mind is blown
  54. Skrillex on guitar is making me uncomfortable
  55. Justin is losing layers
  56. “Where Are U Now” live is quite the experience, especially with all the drums being hit
  57. I need James Bay to win Best New Artist
  59. Lady Gaga and the David Bowie tribute is beautifully digital
  60. Alabama Shakes is so underrated and the lead singer in her white cape gown is an ANGEL
  61. Dave Grohl
  62. Alice Cooper, Johnny Depp, and Joe Perry performing as the Hollywood Vampires are everything my little goth soul needs
  63. Side note: does anyone remember when Alice Cooper was in Dark Shadows? Well this performance reminds me of that
  64. Album of the Year goes to Taylor Swift, so her ego just got 10 billion times more obnoxious
  65. “Uptown Funk” won Record of the Year!! A jam for the ages
  66. Pitbul reminds me of a naked mole rat