Cheers and Jeers

Adam Thorne '15, STAFF WRITER

This is Cheers and Jeers, here’s my two cents, gang!

 

The Vikings got whooped by the Patriots 30-7 this past Sunday, and their performance was about as good as the new Le Moyne football team’s will be when they take to the turf field for their first game against Syracuse in 2030. Matt Cassel played about as well as Sodexo’s weekend food tastes; with that said Cassel has as many good games per year as Foery has floods…one! Couldn’t pass, couldn’t tackle, couldn’t rush, couldn’t…well, you get the point.

 

Cheer to United States Men’s Basketball

For those that don’t know, and that’s just about everyone, the US National Basketball Team captured the world championship in Spain this past week. Yeah, go USA! USA! USA! I fully believe that we’re the greatest nation on Earth, but I don’t think we need an internationally sanctioned tournament to tell us that we’re the best at basketball. We already know we’re the best at everything else, and we’re reassured of this every four years at the Summer Olympics. (The Winter Olympics don’t count because hey, I don’t care about Norwegian cross country skiers.) Therefore, FIBA (the organization that puts the tournament together) should put together the tournament to make it a best-of-the-rest type thing, and make the final game against the US by default, because why do we need to play countries like Argentina? Waste of time. Britain? Waste of time. (And unlike Britain, sports that we invent we actually master…soccer, I’m looking at you.)

 

Jeer to Unflushed Toilets

Yes, yes…I know that I’ve mentioned toilets in consecutive C&J sections, but I couldn’t let this one go. Maybe it’s just a guy thing, but what’s worse than having to use a toilet or urinal that hasn’t been flushed? Where’s the respect for human life here? The same people that are guilty of these terrible tragedies should be brought to justice (and public humiliation). Maybe we could get Campus Security on board and have them issue tickets  to offenders. But how would this be enforced? Should the College hire bathroom monitors, who would be like meter maids except with a toilet brush in hand? I think that would be a good investment for the money the College makes back from the sale of Freddy P’s house…or maybe we could just house the new employees there? Better yet, have it be an initiation for first-year professors. Want tenure? Write your first book and issue 50 bathroom violation tickets (only to be paid via SCAPAY).

 

Cheer of the Week to Naps

I don’t nap often, but when I do, I prefer Dos Pillows. What’s better than taking a quick snooze between classes or during one of Ann Ryan’s lectures? I can’t think of much else, and for us students who are sleep deprived because of studying and regrettable decisions on the weekends, naps are almost a necessity. I swear, keeping a sane sleeping schedule at College is the singular most difficult thing you have to do, and yet another reason why I don’t want to go into the real world. Last time I checked, one simply just can’t take a nap with a real job, and that’s just unfair. Also, what’s with offices starting their days so early? In to work by 8:30 every morning? Nonsense. I think I’ll stink with my “earliest class at 1:00 because I have senioritis” schedule.

 

Jeer of the Week to the Science Center Doorways

In this column last week, I “Cheered” the renovations that took place on campus over the summer. That’s all fine and well, but the College couldn’t have done anything to fix those doorways in between the Science Center and Grewen? Those two passageways are narrower than the Tea Party’s social views. Not to mention who wants to keep waiting in those long lines after classes just to cross into another building? Or what if someone passing through the one-person-wide doorway is looking down at their phone? Smack…collision! What if that person you run into was that hot girl from the caf? That’s even more awkward. Now there are two solutions to this: one, people could not use their phones (impossible), or two…maybe the doorway could be wider?! Lets face it, if Mike Madden can donate $7 million for the business school, I’ll donate $20,000 from a winning lottery ticket to widen those doorways.